iv been drinkn

lets some up the last month'ish

i dont even know what to say

i have had some pretty rough nights, i really cant keep being alone everynight, its killing me

i pushed my self to the edge most nights and im really scared of how far its guna go.

i really am a fucking horrible person, i dont think there is one thing i dont hate about myself

its funny that people think that im happy all the time. if they knew what was in my head head every second of the day theyd wana put a gun in my mouth

thats the reason why i dont wana be around anymore regardless of how people think i am... i think what i think i feel how i feel and i do what i do and thats not how i wana be, somehow i know its not guna change

fuck i dont even know if im making sense.

people think that im ok now because i dont talk about it... but iv never been worse

i feel like a should die alone but im too sellfish.

im a burden to everything and everyone

i dont feel as if day to day i get anywere

i dont.

im not ok and i wont be ok

im not dealing with it

im drinking untill i pass out

as quick as i can

im really not ok

please understand i dont wana be here

"fuck i hope i dont wake up"

one thing that i still cant deal with, is actully watching my dad go, like sitting there holding his hand looking at him watching his chest move up and down n then nothing...then feeling his hand go cold... letting go was the hardest thing iv ever had to do... you couldnt possibly understand.... i cant even find the words

mum told me some stuff about dad from about 12 years ago... i wont explain on here... it really made me wish i died that morning.

the heroin diaries

the more dark side of my life.

i love you soooo fucking much girl, this is for you.