oh

i wana make my girlfriend my girlfriend

you blew me away

but theres something in the back of my head that tells me i dont have a chance

motherfuck that

^

lets fall in love

]][[

my heart being present in my throat for the last hour.

but its never been in the right place

i wont spend many more days waiting 

for something as unsure as my heart being in the right place.

my heart needs to drop love

my heart needs to drop from my throat

my heart needs a place to call home

andria

You still cross my mind from time lo lime. And I mostly smile.
Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and why
So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen, 
Trying to figure out what my head thinks, 
But my head just ain't what it used to be.
And then again, what's the point anyway?
I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony
To see if you could see me - hidden quietly away
And I remember the skin of your fingers, 
The spot three quarters up I'd always touch when I was out of things to say.
You held my hand, but you were too afraid to speak and I could never understand.
I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear, 
That not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand, 
And I remember how you smiled through the smoke
In a crowded little coffeehouse and laughed at all my jokes.
And I remember the way that you dressed and, 
How we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat
And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving, how I barely kept up breathing
And I bet if I had to do it all again, I'd feel the same pain, 
And I remember panicked circles in the terminal in tears.
How I wept to god in fits. I've hated airports ever since.
It must be true what people say, that only time can heal the pain.
And every single day I feel it fade away, but -
I still remember how the distance tricked us, 
And lead us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured.
I still remember how we held so strong to this, 
Though we had never really settled on a way out.
I still remember the silence, and how we'd always find a way
To turn and run to our mistakes.
I still remember how it all came back together just to fall apart again.
My dear, I hear your voice in mine.
I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear.
I've been at home here. You've been away for years. I've been alone.
I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me.
I felt my anger swelling; I swam into it's sea.
I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear.
It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear.
So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my head.
And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead.
If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend.
And I will lay a bed before you; keep you safe until the end.

damaged goods

She forced a smile, said, 
'Boy, come kiss my mouth—I'll set you free.
You know that hope you're holding to? It looks an awful lot like fear.
Now, you're so quick to fall on failure, and so quick to raise your voice, like, 
'If I can't find a mistake to blame, we didn't have a choice.'

Oh, but you had option.
I was your chance to feel complete, 
But when I leaned in close to you, you
Kissed your fear instead of me.

You had my hand in your hand, 
You had my lip in your teeth, 
You had my heart on your sleeve, 
You had a chance to breathe.

But, boy, you wouldn't let your fear recede so I moved on.

And it's too late to change your mind now, 
You got scared, boy, and I got gone.
Now you failed, and there's no way to turn back time.
You had your chance, boy, I tried.'

'You tried?' I looked her in the eye and smiled, 
'My girl, you must understand that fear is not some product that I made.
It crept unwelcome in my head the day they had her torn away.
It changed me.

Now at the end of everyday I lie awake at night and wait
To feel the wires of my brain get cut and quietly rearranged, and
Hear my beaten heart exclaim, 'Still, I refuse to let her go.''

So we escape to our mistakes for they wait patiently for us.
Oh, how they always wait for me.

If my fear has kept me here only my fear can set me free.

And I'm sorry, dear, but don't you dare say another word.
How could I risk holding your heart in me while still in love with her?

You were wrong.'

6

i

 refuse

            to

                keep 

                        waking 

                                     up

                                         when

                                                   everyday

                                                                    gets 

                                                                            harder 

                                                                                         without

                                                                                                       you

there is 4 reasons i still wake up every single fucking day.

love 

is

murder

when one of the only things that could make me happy is a ghost in my head what the fuck do i do.

girl you make my heart beat 

but your the pistol in my mouth

i love you... still

                                                                              

you cunts like cranes?

had a fucking amazing sunday n monday with the runaways, 2 pints, chilli bread, toilet,eat

cuddles, sleeps n spoons with chicken burger, missing busses, tegan n sara old cd, docking, the red shore, essen sessions, sluts, chicks, some fat sluts/chicks, cranes, leafy paths, grass patches with used needles n broken glass, god of war, vera, songs,cunts, chats,cunts,a lot of brews,... smashing two cases of brews, driving home with dan, house show, frying chips, frying, being fried, father n son in the music shop, cool clothes, getting cross, rousing on cunts, hairy ears,buritos, nowra pics,trying to piss in my mouth , dan licking my nuts in nowra n a photo show this incident, not kissing boys :(), dan spiting in my mouth/cock hahahha, dan,jt,ad,cb,bj,ijh, not getting throat tattoos, pissing in girls cunts, opppsss,

not today,i love yous, sad goodbyes, 

i miss you fucks so much. i love you boys

i dont wana talk about anything else,

how do u cunts feel about cranes?

-0

im not getting anywhere, everyday is the same, everyday you dont leave my head... but you leave me in so many ways

i fucking hate this

but

2moro im going to see my brothers

its been way to fucking long... i love you guys more than life

i need to be around you everyday

sweet chats

sweet stars

-

fuck

if i had the bones on monday id get runaways tattood on my throat

RUNAWAYS TO THE FUCKING THROAT

- 

in the near future i wana start disconecting my self with mother-culture.

or just this mindset.

id also like to learn alot more on the wrongs of the peta organisation, im getting alot of mixed vibes of these cunts. in 2007 the org netted over 37 million dollars, wer the fuck did that go?

also i am no longer claiming veganism, although i will still refrain from consuming animal products wer possilble and logical as i do live in a vegetarian household.

i am nothing but me, just eli, no vs no xs 

-

i dont know what to do about you eitha, without talking to you im stilll falling in love with you over and over and over again every second your in my head, honestly... its killing me. i love you girly.

peace

i love you

-_-_

theerrreee is something about black nail polish on girls that makes me fucking crazy n i duno what it is buttttt fuuucckkkk my liffffeeeeeee.

i dont wana go 2 sleep 2night

A, A#

today was kinda cool, woke up late fucked around for a bit, went to work n fucked around for alot n then went n sussed brewd drinks in the park with my d.e.c kids n drew some cool runaways stuff in sauce... cool eh? this cunt has some real talent!!!!

i realllllyy wana rack to finish my setup.mangos. 

me n mum are guna rip up all the carpet n jjust have floor boards n shit... cool eh?

i feel like something is building up inside me. i dont think its a good thing. im getting less n less torarent with shit everyday, including myself. well seee how that turns out.

tonight im guna start writing some mellow songs on my dads gtar.

im guna start a mellow band... cool eh?

a mix between tegan & sara, coldplay, suicide silence, cat steves and sun tzu

i have to stop the whole net thing, fuck the net.

so ill get of at 9? cool? 

im still thinking of you more than ever...

and its murder

i still love you

and its killing me

and this is the only way i can tell you....

fuck my life

COOL EH?

ed

i just had the most amazing chat with a great friend that i havnt spoken to in almost a year.

edward from goodlife recordings. fuck hes a amazing dude, i miss his sweet cd deals n chats. 

suss goodlife recordings at goodliferecordings.com/webstore.

SNNNNAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

tonight i dont wana be me

tonight im guna ruin my self that fucking much that i pass-out n forget everything that has happend in about the last month. "im guna drink untill i forget the world gave up"

im guna drink untill i give up

                                                               RUNAWAYS     

i wish i could be with my brothers tonight, i wana get murderd with you cunts sooo horribly bad, like that ruined that we cant even fucking move and we all stare at the celing togetha.

                                                   GIRL IM IN LOVE WITH

i duno if she still reads these....

but if you do im guna drop some stuff in your mail box, cuz i know u probs still dont wana see me. 

yeah.... peace

song. 18 months

i watched the sky bring fire and burn all my hope

i watched when it was to late, wishing it was me

for all the times you asked, i never tryed

now id die to make amends

i cant look ahead when theres to many things to look back on

im falling apart at the seems you stiched up so many fucking times without question

will i give my self the chance to be half the man you were

"how can i try to explain, when i do he turns away"

where the fuck was i for 18 months while you held on to every last bit of hope for me

i brought fire thru your skys and burnt every last bit of hope you had for me

and i sat by your side when it was to late, staring at the celing, praying to someone who isnt, wishing it was me. feeling you go cold was the day i died. i wish it was me for those 18 months. still staring at the celing wishing you walk thru the door. i wish i went cold. i wish with every once of my being it was me.

i miss you dad

...

"Give me reasons to stop instead of a million reasons to keep it up"

"It's almost over now. I'll drink this bottle dry because for tonight i just don't want to try. For tonight if only for tonight i don't want to be me. I wish i could explain my problems but I'll keep them to myself"

amazing.....

cyborgs...

we are actully cyborg ninjas from the planet nilfliskianpotstrainer...

wel eat your brains................

and we just dont give a fuck!!!!

finish em all!!!

american me make me wana smash my face in witha claw hammer

you guys like backwards power chords?

iv never listend to a band more than american me in my life. blade posted a bulletin about his n phills setups. 6505s n dual recto's n krank rev1s,ghs 11-70's 

if you like violent dancing... suss these cunts

FUUCKKK

AM!!!!!!!!!!!

Every time I'm running away from myself no time to look back
Caught up in a mess, there's no way out
When it rains it fucking pours
Who am I to judge if the judged was me
I meant nothing more to this life these lies are fucking killing me

Liar, you're a liar, you're a motherfucking liar
You can lie to them but you cant fucking lie to yourself.

fuck i love this band sooo fucking much

what u say?

one of the reasons im still here. i love you rhan!!!

fuck shes beautiful. we are pretty cute

she wrote a letter to dad and iv never read anything more confronting in my life.its on our fridge but...

i cant even look at it.

but today is a good day.

im sussing our demo that got got masterd and im soo fucking impressed. beatdown as fuck. l.cs vocals are that fucking amazing, not like anyone elses. rad.

WHATSLEFT! IN YOUR FUCKING FACE CUNTS, suss the myspace

also she rang me last night. it was that good just to hear her voice. 

having saaaweeeettt convos with ijh_2000 has made shit alot calmer. i love you kid... i know your reading this haha

eternal lord are that fucking tough

AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT JUST BEFORE YOUR HEAD CAVED IN, YOUR EYES LOOKED AMAZING....

peace

___________....

i wana stop hating...but i wont

i wana stop ringing you when im drunk...i wont

i wana stop not wanting to wake up...but i wont

i wana stop drinking....but i wont

i would kill for her to feel the same...but she wont

i wana stop being alone everynight....but i wont

i wana be happy...i wont

i wana know what gos thru her head when she sees me...i wont... the only word i get is "fuck"

i wana be debt free...but the bank wants there 30k back

i want her to come thru my window into my room full of lit candles n wake me up... she wont

i want her ontop of me...

i wana be ontop of her...

i wana wisper in her ear...

i wana fuck her that bad...but i cant 

i wana wake up every morning with her taste still in my mouth

i wana wake up with her smiling at me...

i wana let go....i cant...even if i could i wouldnt

i want out

i want a glock 18

i know your reading this n my window is still open. 

i want you to know how much you mean to me...you wont

i want you to know that i love you.................................................................................................